when things are hard.....

About 4 years ago,  Mike and I were foster parents on Guam to a baby girl.
She came to us at a day old,
with no name given to her,
and we gave her the name that had been picked out for years for a baby girl in our family,

Meleah Elizabeth 

If you want to read more about our foster care journey and / or Meleah, click HERE.

We hoped to adopt her but after several months, custody was shifted to her grandfather.

Yesterday I heard a song that brought me back to December 2011.

Meleah had an hour long visit with her grandfather at the social services building.
I just sat in the van in the parking lot -
sad that she wouldn't be "my" little girl forever.

And this song came on the radio....

I had the same flood of emotion yesterday that I did four years ago.

I have equal emotion of wanting something to be true, but not true at the same time.

I know, without a doubt, that the hard things in life have made me a stronger, wiser person.
but at the same time, I don't look forward to going through hard things.

But what if? 

Lots of crazy things are going on in the world.
Some people struggle during the Christmas season with loss and depression.
Hard things are happening right now to some people I love.

I felt like I should share this song.
I'm not sure who needs it, but I hope you see this,
Because I believe.....

GOD LOVES YOU!

(*lyrics)

Have you ever heard a love song
That set your spirit free?
Have you ever watched a sunrise
And felt you could not breathe?
What if it's Him? What if it's God speaking?

Have you ever cried a tear
That you could not explain?
Have you ever met a stranger
Who already knew your name?
What if it's Him? What if it's God speaking?

Who knows how He'll get a hold of us?
Get our attention to prove He's enough
He'll do and He'll use whatever he wants to
To tell us 'I love you'

Have you ever lost a loved one
Who you thought should still be here?
Do you know what it feels like
To be tangled up in fear?
What if He's somehow involved?
What if He's speaking through it all?

Who knows how He'll get a hold of us?
Get our attention to prove He's enough?
He'll do and He'll use whatever he wants to
To tell us 'I love you'

His ways are higher, His ways are best
Though sometimes strange
What could be stranger than God in a manger?

Who knows how He'll get a hold of us?
Get our attention to prove He's enough?
Who knows how He'll get a hold of you?
Get your attention to prove He's enough?
He'll do and He'll use whatever He wants to
To tell us 'I love you'

God is speaking, 'I love you'

Running in BLUE - my connection

My love of running began on Guam.
(*If you would like some "backstory" click HERE for my last running post on Guam)

I hit the ground running when we arrived back in the states, getting some runs in at my in-laws in Michigan and also on family vacation in Tennessee.  But I hit some low spots during the winter months of Virginia.  Although a friend from Guam and I were training for the DC Rock n Roll half marathon, we were clueless with how to dress for cold and snow.  We skipped a lot of runs and opted for warm fires and hot chocolate.  Then spring rolled around and we were busy getting ready for the girls arrival and my trip to Guam.  At some point over the summer, my friend Debbie Cyr sent me a Facebook invite to a running group called, "WEAR BLUE, RUN TO REMEMBER".  I was honored that she thought of me and proud to join.  I ordered my first WEAR BLUE shirt.  I begin to run with a different purpose and mindset.  

The mission of wear blue: run to remember is to build running communities that honor the service and sacrifice of the American military.

As a military spouse, you always prepare yourself in whatever secret way you think you can for your husband to not come back.  Every time they leave, every time a letter (now email) seems untimely late;  the doubts in your mind creep up.  And then you also consider your friends husbands next.  But I never, ever thought about a friend losing her son.  

On Sunday morning, April 27th 2013 - our phone rang.  
Phil and Debbie Cyr had lost their son. 
If the first stage of grief is denial, then I am textbook - 
because I said, "WHAT?"

I have felt horrible at least 1000 times for forcing the words to be repeated.
"Brandon was killed"

Today is the 2 year mark of Brandon's death and I run with purposeful steps and a mother's heart for her boy to remember and honor him.  If you would like to learn more about Wear Blue or Brandon, please contact me or check out the links.

Here is Brandon's Memorial Page on FaceBook  click HERE.
And the Wear Blue page is HERE. 

ARMY 10 MILER - October 2014

 Veteran's Day 11K 2014 - BURKE LAKE

Harbor Lights Half Marathon - Virginia Beach - November 2014

 This was my seventh half marathon and my best time.  

I had been striving to come in under 2 hours since my first half on Guam.  

And now I have the kids involved!   

 Chantilly High School Track

Rock and Roll Marathon DC - cold and rainy but wonderful experience!!

Before each run, they have a "Circle Of Remembrance".  They read the names of the fallen and have prayer.   I started saving the names of the people that ran for that day.  Their willingness to lay down their life for my freedom was something I still can't completely find the words for.   

So.....

Come join us for a run - 

volunteer to hold a flag - 

you won't regret it.